Lately I find myself imagining a future when I will have more time. More time for research, for reading, for creative exploration, for taking classes, for playing video games. But I actually wonder if these are all fantasies that will never be realized. July and August were supposed to be months that were more freed up, more flexible. And while July started that way, within about a week or two, tasks arose that seemed to take over my schedule. Sometimes these were planned tasks that took longer than I had expected. Or they were completely out-of-the-blue tasks that suddenly needed my full attention. And if I’m honest, I don’t see it stopping anytime soon.
That said, I was able to carve out time for a week-long vacation in August. So I’m not saying that I will never have time off. But there’s this idea that someday I will have a very freed up and flexible calendar that I will get to waft through, selecting whatever my heart fancies to focus on. This idea may not be real.
What is real, however, is that I do get pockets of time to wander. I might have 30 minutes one evening where I can read without falling asleep. Or find myself with the time, mindframe, and a sudden urge to take 15 minutes to watch educational videos. Or listen to music. Or play a bit of a video game. I think I need to get used to the idea that instead of an unrealistic vast expanse, my creative explorations will more often than not take the form of “an hour here, an hour there.” But just like the doctors say your weekly 150 minutes of exercise can occur at any time during the week and at any interval - I think this piecemeal exploration ultimately adds up to the expansive version in my head. At least, I hope it does?
Red Rock Canyon. Another kind of vast expanse.